To start: It's about time I decided to write about stuff! I'm basically going to spill what happens everyday in my life. And, I'm going to sometimes break it down to thoughts as well (especially when I go into a manic moment).
Okay.....Here goes nothing.
So, right now, I'm literally fighting to do something I've always wanted to do. That special something is to just be what I call as "normal".
By "normal", I mean, all I want from this world right now is to be able to function, work, have fun, and fornicate with the masses!!!!!!!!!!!! bahahaha. Well I got most of that correct..... Most people know me as one of two people: A complete loser that plays magic the gathering, failed out of college and almost high school, smokes pot on a consistent basis, and played in a few crappy metal bands. Or you know me as a backwards, passionate, and ambitious person that lacks motivation to do anything except play some sick magic ;) and be broke as a joke going nowhere. (I may be on the pro tour, but I still don't matter to 99.9% of the world...)
Anyhow, I feel as if I can't be "normal". It's almost as if I'm not allowed to be normal so to speak. I do the things that I do because I want to be myself. I wear the things I want to. I act the certain way I want to. I try to live the way I want to. However, when I wear my sport pants and sandals and a hoodie in the middle of the cold weather, I get strange looks like I'm crazy.....Well fuck you douche bags!!!!!!!!!!! I know my clothes don't match, and I know my feet may seem cold, but they are not cold so fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now going by my definition of "normal", we will talk first about the work situation.....
Working is a fucking hassle. Not because it is work and everyone that lives in America is forced to work blah blah blah etc. It's because I can't fucking sleep on time and wake up on time. Literally for the past few years I can't hold a job simply because of my fucking sleep cycle. Right now I should be sleeping preparing to show up at the warehouse ready for work related war in an hour, but I'm unable to do that even know I tried going to sleep seven hours ago. I have no idea what makes me unable to have a nice eight hour nap that everyone else has every fucking night all happy and fucking dreaming of magical dragon-ponies that rage into the vast oblivion! Until I can figure that out..... FUCKKKKKKKKKK MYYYYYYYYY LIFFFFFFFFFFFFE!!!!!!
The second part about "work" is my problem with people is astounding omfg!!!!!
Socializing with people is by far one of my least powerful skills ever. Some people can just talk, talk, talk, talk about the most random shit and practically get off to it.... I, on the other-hand absolutely 100% cannot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you're talking to me, or trying to talk to me and I am having a hard time figuring out what to say, its because I'm probably not interested in what you have to say.... end of story. And it is soooooo fucking annoying when I have to nod my head and just agree with someone just to make them feel like i'm listening.
And I'm sorry for being so seemingly egotistical, but I just don't find simple shit exciting at all.
STFU OR MOVE TO a BETTER SUBJECT!!!!!
When you don't figure it out, my anxiety goes off the charts making me just mute up and not say anything or look at you, and then I start to space out really bad. And when that happens we both feel shitty now don't we? hahaha
That's pretty much the majority of what I hate about work. I will continue more when I wake up later.... I'm pretty fucking tired........... finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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